The Case Against
Cheerios
Cheerios. The name says it all really. What is actually cheery about them?

�Cheery Corn, Cheery Oats,
�Cheery Rice and Wheat.
�Cheery four grain Cheerios,
�Cheery good to eat,
�They're nutritious and delicious,
�Cherry-oh so good to eat.
Firstly, notice how all the lines except line 5 start with "Cheery."
� Yes, I'm sure the rice and wheat is very cheery about being uprooted, stuffed in an O, bundled in an airtight bag and eaten by some jerk.
� CHEERY four grain CHEERIos. Maybe you notice a slight repetition?
� What sort of grammar is "Cheery Good"?
� Is anything? Anyway, they're not delecious.
� This is a pathetic pun on the name Cheerios. A pathetic pun on a pathetic name could only sprout Cheery-oh.
Ever noticed the 'words'
oooh
sooo
good
in the corner with little lines sprouting all over the O's. What does sooo mean anyway? Or is it meant to say so. They've only doubled the length. No big mistake. This would be better:
oh!
some
goo!
At least that's spelt correctly. Maybe it's spelt wrong so we can play Os and Xs with it...

Cheery Invert Sugar Syrup!

Another thing! Why are there four different O's? You put them all in your mouth at once, you taste them all at once. Unless they expect you to sort them out or eat them one by one or something, I don't see the point.

Free from cheery artificial colourings and flavours.

And as if that wasn't enough, there's also the back of the box...

Are you in
the know
about Cheerios?

Did you know that Cheerios is the only cereal that combines four different wholegrain O's?
No! Of course not! Really, there are only two other O cereals anyway, and one of those is covered in chocolate.
That means Cheerios have nothing taken away...we kept all the goodness, including the bran.
Yes, and we added some partially hydrogenated vegetable oil. Cheery bad for you. Why "including the bran."? Why not "including the Riboflavin Vitamin B5."?

May contain cheery traces of cheery nut.

Turn the box round and you see the front. The serving suggestion shows Cheerios flying off the bowl, and some suspiciously artifical, or even solid, looking milk (Quite possibly it's plasticine).

If you have any cheery complaints, please write to:
10 Cheery Road,
PO box 150
Cheeryshire